Where do I go?
Taphouse- I don’t know what role Eddie has to do with this but more people can be found in the stands at an Elon football game in the fourth quarter than at Taphouse on a Thursday night. Speaking of the guy, I’m guessing his popcorn business never took off.
Sandy’s- Let’s be real. No one goes to Sandy’s. I’m not sure what did them in. Was it the fact they were cited three times for serving to underage drinkers or was it the fact they removed the stripper pole?
Fat Frogg- No.
West End- It wouldn’t be a Thursday night without West End… home of 2 for $3 jello shots and permanent markers that leave X’s on your hands for 4 days. Don’t even think about trying to wash that X off of your hand. They don’t have paper towels and their hand driers are about as effective as advertising on the “Want Ads” section E-Net. The music is typically pretty good but you can expect to hear a lot of dubstep songs that you’ve probably never heard of. There are pool tables in the back where you can talk to the locals who are at West End because “Brew Balls is too mainstream.”
Ok, West End it is. How do I get there?
Saferides- No I do not want to play cash cab. Just take me to my location. What? You don’t know where Phoenix Arms is? Forget it I’m walking.
Walk- I applaud freshmen women for managing to wear as little clothes as possible in 42 degree weather. You can tell who is a freshmen and who isn’t. The freshmen girl is wearing one of those short black skirts that would make a Nun say three rosaries. The senior washed up girl (aka SWUG) is the one at the bar wearing jeans talking to the bartender who has probably known her since she was a freshmen with a fake ID that said she was 23 and from Rhode Island. And now for the males- Listening to some freshmen men speak makes me want to cry. No there is no such thing as Mr. Recruitment. And no good sir. You are not “tryna rush” Sigma Kappa, I believe you are referring to Kappa Sigma. Speaking of which, I recommend you lose the jeans with the holes in them now. Yeesh what do they teach you in Elon 101?
UPDATE- Taphouse called the Fire Marshall on West End (They’ve done it before). Looks like you’re out of luck, time to eat. But where?
Acorn- Sorry, I have no interest in any White Chocolate Mochas at the moment. And Kathryn, I love her but my goodness I cannot wait 12 minutes for a tuna sandwich, toasted with sprouts and a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.
Fat Frogg- No.
Late Night McEwen- Barf. As a first year student I thought Late Night McEwen was the greatest thing ever. As a sophomore I found it tolerable (before they got rid of the cereal and hash browns). And now everytime I eat there, I just hate myself. The healthiest thing Late Night McEwen serves is the plastic fork they give you to eat the reheated tater tots. The hotdogs always manage to be undercooked in the middle and it never ceases to amaze me how no matter what time you go, they are always out of ketchup.
Off to bed
Til death do us part, twin XL sheets.